Kindness

How Relevant is kindness?

Is it really a choice or a way of life? 
With the increase in negative emotions like stress, anger,  jealousy  etc, the  virtue of kindness  has got relegated to  a choice.To be kind  or not to be.

Lessons learnt on Morality

Remember as children  we are taught, in schools and at home, to be kind to others. Often the importance  of being kind to people in the house is not highlighted as it is presumed.

But  it is a universal  truth that children will  learn by examples set by  their elders. No book or school can teach these values unless it is experienced.

Learning to be Kind again

Parents  can start being kind
1. In their words and actions  towards  their children

2. In the way they treat the servants and other helpers

3. To their aged parents.

Children and kindness

Kindness  has to be experienced  firsthand to get imbibed.
Angry and rude children are pointers to the question as to  where did we go wrong?

Often the inability to share their feelings and troubles makes  children use anger to mask their insecurities.
Children need  love at that time more than anything else. 
Just being there for them
will build a trust in them and heal the relationships.
This way the Kindness and compassion  gets ingrained into their system.

Our helpers

Similarly how we behave with    the domestic  helps and other helpers sets an example to our children. The helpers need to be treated  with respect and kindness.   Being rude to someone because of their social strata is a big red flag.

Aged Parents

Our parents  need to be shown lots of love and affection  as they grow older. If they are staying with you speak to them often. Be kind and attentive. If they staying elsewhere  make it a point  and speak to them daily.
Shower them with your love and respect.

Let us be Mindful

So next time  you want to scream your lungs out at your children..pause
And think . Will it help?
Thinking  from their perspective  and validating the children's emotions may help more.

Parents

Let's..
Be kind to our  children .
Be kind to ourself.
Be kind to our parents.
Be kind to strangers.

Happy living

Ranjitha


PS: These are my views based on my personal experiences  which you may or may not agree with.
Do let me know through  your comments as to what you feel

In Search of Happiness

Where can one  find happiness ?
Thoughts like "Will I be happy if this  or that happens the way I planned?"  come and go.
And what if things don't happen the way  I wanted them to? What now? Do I sit and sulk or cry my heart out?
In the quest for the answer to this, I ended up in the process of looking  inwards, into my mind .

Can external  circumstances  dictate my feelings?

There have been days when I would have loved to climb atop a mountain and scream "why me?"
Finally I would just settle  for crying in a dark room for hours and then get on with life as if nothing happened.

When did the transformation  happen?

The real transformation  happened when I accepted my anger as a part of me trying to tell me I'm hurt deep down.
I  changed my routine,was more aware of my feelings and put in consistent efforts to feel at peace with myself. Meditating even when my monkey brain would have jumped ten thoughts ahead while the guided  meditation  was on. But nevertheless  I didn't give up on myself. After all I was in the quest of finding inner peace and the much elusive happiness.

How does it feel now?

I have come a long way from all those feelings  of self pity and anger.
It wasn't easy, but there wasn't  much of a choice. I  had to  choose between  sulking all my life or make peace with the situations. I chose the latter. Wasn't an easy choice. Sulking  was a lot fun.
On a serious  note..  the acceptance    brought about a blanket of peace that covered my whole being. I felt so liberated from my anger and anxiety.
For a very long time, I had used anger to propel me towards getting  things done and camouflage  the feeling of hurt  and  injustice  i felt  .
Slowly  the  external  circumstances stopped  controlling how I feel and behave.
I had to take a break from the old thought process(easier said than done  when your  brain doesn't  let you forget the last time you tried   and  failed)
However  philosophical it may sound,  I  chose to switch to calming  myself down in the face of  a storm that refused to abate at any point in my life. 
I feel reborn when I see myself calmly  facing all situations with a clear mind. I can't but applaud myself  for   my perseverance  and will power.
Having a child on the spectrum  has been challenging.The fact still remains I absolutely  and whole-heartedly  love my son(who is on the spectrum)as much as  I love my daughter (neurotypical 19 year old).  Infact, I have evolved as a  better  human being all thanks to both my children. They both taught me to love unconditionally  and made me realize that I'm a lot stronger  than  I thought .

Ranjitha 

PS:
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Social Stigma

 

Social Stigma

[Sharing of thoughts by Parent of a very Special Child]

The differently abled population and their kin face social stigma on a daily basis.  Ever wondered where does it all start?  It starts within the families of the differently abled.  There is a lot of hush-hush on the discussion of these children.  They are looked upon as a burden.  Seldom does anybody in their familyother than the parents try to understand what they are going through - mentally and physically.

Wouldn’t blame the family alone.  Their behaviour is a direct result of the unkind stares and unsolicited advice they get from kith, kin and acquaintances about what sheer bad luck that they have to put up with such a fate. 

The family in turn tries to hide the special child from public view.  If the problem is not so severe, they ignore it saying it will go away.  The special children engage in some different behaviours to help themselves cope with the outside world.  They perceive the world differently.

They are as much as God’s children as all of us are.  What gives anybody the right to judge them or decide what is appropriate behaviour? Special children may make some sounds or giggle suddenly.  There is a physiological reason for all this.

But, alas, neither do the parents nor the society wants to know why they behave the way they do.  No one cares.

The love and acceptance of these children, firstly by their families and then later on, by the society will go a long way in making life more livable for them.

We, as a society, need to be more sensitive towards this segment of the population.  Many a times, parents of these children are made to feel that they have committed a sin by giving birth to a child with special needs.

It is neither the child’s fault nor the parents.  Life is already tough for the family trying to avoid the unnecessary attention and advice.  The society at large needs to be aware of the problems to get sensitized about the special children.

The parents of special children need not feel guilty.  Feel proud of your child, yourself.  You are doing a good job.  Take your child out and give them the exposure they deserve.  The Society will also learn to accept them.

Mental health of the Autism Moms

 Hi Everyone

I had decided  to announce to the world a few years back that Im a proud mother of  a sweet little boy on the autism  spectrum. I also discussed my son's  challenges being on the spectrum and the challenges  faced by a  neurodivergent(ND) household for the sake of the neurotypical(NT) society to understand the other side of things.
I  have a request to the ND  child's parents to try and  understand  as to how  important  it is  to view your child's development  in isolation  and  the only yardstick to measure them would be their  own previous record comparing them to anyone is so unfair.

The mental health  issues faced by primary caregivers needs to be addressed. It is for real. Time to face them head on.

My tryst with anxiety and anger reached a point of squishing all the relationships  I had taken years to build.
I went into therapy to deal with it. And thanks to my therapist
today I am in a more peaceful  space. This doesn't mean all the problems  I am facing have vanished.  It means I learnt to change my thinking  rather than sit and cry about things which I can't control. My happiness  is  no longer tied down to something  special happening.  I choose to be happy no matter what.  Practicing meditation  helped  me a lot to reconnect with myself.

All through these trying times  one person  who had absolute faith in me was my husband . I  had lost myself due to the anxiety. 
He was patiently standing by me throughout  all my difficult  times.

All of us need that one person to have faith in us . It can be anyone a friend, a relative . So start  to build your emotional  support system. Be more understanding  of others going through mental health issues.
It's high time to leave behind the taboo associated with it.

 Seek the help of a psychiatrist or a therapist, do whatever it takes to help you.
Own it , accept  it and work towards healing yourself.
This post is a shout out to all those  dealing with anxiety ,trying times and yet garnering up courage to show up each day to do their duty no matter how much trouble is brewing up inside them.

Reach out to your loved ones and open up about things bothering  you. 
Take professional  help if need be.

I'm proud of my self  to have shown the courage to accept my faults and shortcomings.


For only if we care for ourselves  can we care for our children  and help them grow.